Reasons why I am freaking out about my first sprint triathlon:
I. The SWIM PART
A. Swimming in a lake.
Lakes are gross. I can't see what is around me (fish, SNAKES!, trees, rocks, SNAKES!). The bottom may be muddy. I don't know how deep it is. I could DROWN. Cue panic attack.... now.
B. Swimming is HARD.
I still don't know to swim the freestyle properly. My swimming "lessons" have come from online videos of some dude in a speedo gliding through the water like a dolphin. My freestyle still resembles a seizure. I've talked to friends about rotating my body in the water, how to properly kick my feet without bending my legs too much, and pivoting my body as I reach forward, but I think I fail horribly at all of these things the minute I get into the water. At least I can make it through the water at a slightly faster speed than when I started trying to swim.
C. Dysentery from lake water.
I know I suck down some pool water (Gross. Gross. Gross.) every time I flail my body from one side of the pool to the other. Lakes are filled with God knows what and I'm afraid of needing a course of antibiotics after this insanity is over.
D. The SWIM CAP
This is a form of torture that I'm pretty sure had to be invented by a medieval sadistic tribe of swimmers. Putting one of these on is like giving birth in the reverse (not that I would know but can imagine). I feel like I should dive off a 2 story building to get my fat head to fit into one of these things. I look like an alien. Or a cone head. My ears are all squished down and my face looks like a reverse muffin top. My hair is pulled out bit by bit, and I'm pretty sure that I will need botox due to the semi-permanent imprint of a swim cap on my forehead. Hello new wrinkles.
E. Wearing a swimsuit in public
I will be surrounded by people who DO triathlons on a regular basis.... which probably means they have seen their abs in the last decade. I am still trying to figure out how to hide my fat thighs in this one piece Nike. I'm tempted to use some fake tanner in an attempt to camouflage them, but I think it may be hopeless at this point.
II. The TRANSITION PART
A. These things are timed?!
I can't believe they count this as part of the overall time. It takes me a good 30 minutes to make it from the pool to the bike or the treadmill at the gym. People manage to do this in under a minute. No way. I'm supposed to run out of the damn lake barefoot without slashing open a foot, dry off, put on bike shorts, jersey, helmet, socks, shoes, and THEN ride 13 miles and run 3? No way. I want to petition for unlimited transition times with access to a shower and body wash that smells like flowers instead of lake water, please?
B. Lake water.
I hate it enough that I believe it deserves another mention here. Drying off but not changing out of a swimsuit covered in this funk is SO very gross.
III. THE HEAT
A. Hot. Humid. Misery.
It's supposed to be in the 90's on Saturday with 400% Alabama humidity. Ugh.
B. Shouldn't it be Run, Bike, Swim instead of Swim, Bike, Run?
By the time I get to the running part, it should be nice and toasty. The biking will be okay because you get to create your own breeze. The swim will be first thing in the morning so it will be cool (if I don't drown). Really, why can't they do triathlons in the reverse order? Doesn't it make sense to cool off in the water as the last step? Can anyone explain this to me?
Does ANYONE have ANY TIPS for me? Advice would be greatly appreciated!
13 comments:
I have no tips, but just wanted to wish you good luck!!
1. I am terrified of marine life, so I am no help there.
2. Everyone who is constantly in a bathing suit will be thinking nothing of other people in bathing suits. Everyone else will be so busy worrying to death that people are judging their thighs that they won't have time to judge yours. And, who cares, you are going to be a TRIATHLETE!!! :)
Good luck!!
you are so funny. you're going to do FINE. I am proud of you and can't wait to hear how it goes. Ven and I are both so jealous. Scott's doing it too, right? Much Love!
you are going to be great...i am so proud of you!!
A few things:
1. I hate am equally loathing lakes with you. I can't stand when little fish nibble at my legs, and I can't stand the dirtiness.
2. If all else fails with the freestyle...just dog paddle. Old school. It will work, it will just take longer.
All hilarity aside...Good luck! Everything will be fine and you will be so ecstatic when you finish!
Haha! You are hilarious! I agree with all of your statements and that's why I don't do tris...that and the fact that I wouldn't last 5 mins!
Good luck to you!
I bet you rocked it girl! And hey lake water is not all bad right ...Plus I love your new blog look ...fab!
This post is so funny! I know you killed it and can't wait to hear about it! Dying to hear how the lake water turned out ;)
Yuck, lakewater! I'm right there with you sister! Wish I had better advice than keep your mouth closed!
Oh how exciting!! I can't wait to hear how it went! My husband has a triathalon a week from this Sunday. I'm so excited to go cheer him on! Can't wait to hear all about yours!
Wow you've done it by now!! Where's the recap?
And I laughed throughout this post. You've only given me more reasons to cling to my wimpiness and flaunt the fact that I have no desire to ever participate in any sort of triathlon EVER.
But rock on! I think it's awesome if you can :) Can't wait for the recap!! (Did I say that already? LOL)
You are so funny and I agree with all of your reasons NOT to swim....esp. the snakes!!!!!
Hope it went well!!
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